remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
