how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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