my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
