five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i now understand why vodka
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
