You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
