so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
