We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
