you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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