Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
