No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
