soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
