Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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