Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
