i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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