bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
