Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
