Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Green mimosas i think yes
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
