If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
