Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
