Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
