eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
