i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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