apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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