they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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