Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
