I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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