How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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