Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
