Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
