so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
