When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sext me about skeletons
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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