the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
