i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize