Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
