Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
