I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
