remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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