I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
