"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can I color on your dick again?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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