the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize