Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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