Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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