it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
