Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
