How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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