8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
