Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
