My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize