Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
