Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
