I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
