The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
