I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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