I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize