Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hippo gnu deer
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
