how can u be prego again
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
