Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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