Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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