Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize