I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
