Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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