i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
