just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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