we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
