Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
