please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
