Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
