bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
