We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize