There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
