I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
