I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
