This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
