So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
