no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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