so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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