the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
