i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
