just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
