member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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